All Things Profane and Sacred

I'm wrestling over craigslist with this woman from McMinneville. She is selling a Johnson guitar for zer cheap. I need a guitar, but I'm zer broke. It could be a good deal, or it could be a piecha-shit. No information in the ad, beyond what I've told you, so I email her and ask a list of questions pertinent to making a guitar buy. She ignores my questions and writes back: "Good sound, but UGLY. Metal strings."

I think this transaction may take awhile. For the price I would just drive out there, if it was local, but McMinneville is a bit of a haul, what with gas prices hovering around $2.10 a gallon. I'm pleading, look lady, just peer inside the guitar and tell me the model number. Could you tell me what ugly means to you? Beat up? Wrong color? What????

This is how you sell things. You give information.