All Things Profane and Sacred

My car is like the House of Usher these days. Bits keep falling off and shaking loose. The only possible ending for this is complete and total collapse (hopefully not while I'm inside).

These days it's like walking through molasses to get anywhere, it seems. Car problems and money problems are still plaguing our fractured household. I feel cold and isolated during the week, not so much while I'm at work, but coming home to a big empty house that is still mostly silent and full of boxes is depressing.

We basically rented a big ass truck, loaded all of our stuff into it, and unloaded it as fast as we could. Then J left, and it was just me, these boxes and the animals. Between work and taking care of the them, I've been too overwealmed to get much accomplished.

It doesn't help that turning on utilities out here takes an act of god. We have no mail service, and the local post office is only open 10-4 M-F and 7-9am Saturday, so I still don't have a real address. Our street address is fucked up-the houses are not numbered in a way that makes sense, the last owner fucked it up on all the official documents, and the 'street' that our 'street address' is supposed to be based on had a big fucking fence built across it by our neighbors. I don't want to be fucking around, I just want fucking mail, trash and internet.

Not that I can afford them right now. We just finished paying off J's work loan, and were so sweatily busy with that that we've fucked ourselves into the very corner we've been trying to avoid: the same old fucking money trap. My private loan payment alone is about $650 a month, and for the last 2 months, for all intents and purposes, we were a single income household. J is thinking about continuing to work up in Sandy for a while, working twelve hours a day for three days whilst crashed on someone's couch, and staying in Blodgett the rest of the time while looking for work. I think that plan sucks ass, but I don't have a lot of genius ideas at the moment.

I keep telling myself that it is just a while more and that once we are both bringing home full paychecks we will be doing ok, but for now, it feels like more of the same, only I'm working my ass off, instead of moping around.

So, I've been almost completely unreachable for a while now. I'm back from the beautiful Northwoods of Wisconsin and am living in the beautiful Oregon Coastal Range Mountains. Still no phone or internet where I'm living, so things have been pretty quiet, except for at work where I've been, well, working.

I like my office and I like my job. I still have no idea what the hell I'm doing, but I guess that's really what being a lawyer is all about. Nothing like scheduling an appointment to go over a matter, and then researching that matter like hell because it is a subject you know nothing whatsoever about. Fakin' it until someday I (hopefully) make it.

Blogs will continue to be hit and miss until I have my beloved internet back.