All Things Profane and Sacred

So I'm a big fan of craigslist personals. I can't help it, they're all so interesting. In the interest of public service, I've come up with some of the basic strategies that seem particularly unsuitable for catching a mate:

1. The "Dude, what's wrong with you Bitches/Bastards???" approach. I don't know, insulting the entire gender of the person you're looking to score with may not be the best way to recommend yourself. Surprising just how many of these are posted (included in this category are the always pathetic, "where are all the good men/women" ads).

2. The "I'm so lonely and pathetic" approach. Yes, I'll be your emotional crutch and make you whole again. You whiney sack of shit.

3. The "Gee I'm a fantabulous perfectionistic ass" approach. These generally contain a detailed list of mandatory traits only superman/woman could pull off. Boy. Wonder why you can't find anyone. It sure is fun to hang with someone who keeps you under a microscope and keeps reminding you how you will always come up short.

4. The "I'll wow you with intellectualism" approach. It's not very impressive when you misspell your $5 words or use them in a context that makes it obvious that you have no idea what you're talking about.

5. The "I love single mothers" approach. This is only found in M seeking W. Now, I don't know if this is just me (I can't speak for the single mothers), but I find this a little creepy. There's nothing wrong with being ok dating women with kids, but looking for a date with someone based on the fact that she has kids? Weird. To me that shouts pedophile.

Anyhow. That's my two cents.

*Update* I have now seen W seeking M ads looking for single fathers. I'm proud (?) to say I find this just as creepy.