All Things Profane and Sacred

All the fresh faced 1Ls were on campus yesterday for orientation. It made me feel old and crotchety. So I thought I'd dredge up some advice for the newbies:

1. You're going to want to drop out on occasion. The trick is not to.
2. Avoid Art LaFrance at all costs.
3. Use your powers for good, not evil.
4. Don't graffiti the bathrooms-trust me on this one.
5. Do or say something stupid every day. You're going to be fucking up a lot, so you might as well get used to it. Besides you never know when your stupidity will turn out to be brilliance.
6. Have some kind of life-don't let the pressure squeeze it out of you.
7. Your reputation is your gold.
8. Don't worry about civil procedure. No one else understands it either. Trust Emmanuals to get you through this one.
9. Don't be a whiney whinerson. Everyone else is busy too.
10. Make friends-most of these people will be your community for the rest of your freaking life.
11. Give yourself a while to get into the flow of things.
12. Don't procrastinate. If you figure out how to do this, let me know.
13. Everything you write is going to be much shittier than you're used to. This will change in time. Meanwhile, take the harsh, relentless, wracking criticism with a grain of salt.
14. Don't worry about finals. They are just like every other test you've taken in your life-I promise.
15. You are not your grades.
16. For god's sake, get a laptop. Type your exams. Check your email. Surf the web. Keep your sanity.
17. In this economy, you probably won't be able to get a job after your first year, so relax already. You'll be in so much debt by the time you're done that another $3,000 or so will just be a drop in the bucket.
18. Get a credit card that gives you air mileage. Since you're going to go into debt, you may as well get a few "free" vacations.
19. Try not to eat grilled cheese with bacon for lunch every day-you'll be sitting in front of the computer too much to be able to pull that off without a radical wardrobe change.
20. Wear sunscreen.