All Things Profane and Sacred

I stopped at the store yesterday to pick up some supplies in an attempt to knock back this goddamned snuffly hacky nasty cold. Since I'm a fabulous multitasker, I picked up some other supplies along with the usual kleenex, decongestants and whatnot. I get to the checkout lady, and she's a stone cold freak. She sees my stuff and exclaims, "Oh! You must have a cold!" as if I had won the godamn lottery or something. As the snot rolls down my face, she slowly lifts each item in the air and names it as she runs it over the scanner. "Kleenex!" beep "Decongestant!" beep "Vitamin C!" beep. She runs through all my stuff like this until she reaches the bottle of lube. As she lifted it into the air, she realized what it was, turned red and said "Um. And something in a blue bottle." It was priceless, and almost worth the wait.