All Things Profane and Sacred

I am like a walking encyclopedia of bad things dogs can do to your home. Bad thing #987: Licking the sheets. Now, I know this doesn't sound too bad, but imagine the scene-you're tired and ready to hop into bed. Hmmm. The covers are all rumpled and pushed around even though you're sure you made the bed this morning. Or maybe you didn't make the bed. Either way, you lay down and EEEWWWRRRRGGGG! The sheet is all cold and clammy and smells like dog saliva. The whole sheet is all damp! Your covers are all nasty from dog goobers. It's obvious that he spent the whole day-a day you spent earning money to feed his sorry ass and buy new dishwashers to replace the old one he chewed through-slobbering up your damn sheets.

By the time the sheets are changed, you've already been traumatized. He doesn't lick HIS bed-after all, that's where he sleeps. Bastard dog.