All Things Profane and Sacred

I've got a lot going on in my mind, and I could amuse you with my sparkling wit, but I just got back from the dentist's after making arrangments to part with a shit load of my money and I just don't feel up to it. So instead, I'll show you the confirmation email I received from the site I ordered J's anniversary present from (awww-isn't it romantic?):

Arrrr, mate, thanks fer the order! We'll ship yer booty right off on the next
ebb tide. But first we'll toast to yer health with a bumper of grog an' wish ye
fair weather with lots of heavily laden vessels to plunder.

This here receipt does not reflect last minute changes, matey. Yer receipt shall
be finalized when we pack up yer order. On occasion bilge rats make off with
some of our loot, so our inventory may say we have something when we don't. In
addition, prices and product descriptions are subject to change and 'tis not
always possible for us to keep this here website up-to-date. And as both UPS and
USPS charge more fer oversized boxes, orders in large packages might require an
additional charge. But be assured, we do our bloody best to be fair and honest
in all our dealin's with fellow pirates. Ye can bet yer last doubloon on that.

Be sure ta visit ol' Billy Bones again when ye need a bit more treasure.