All Things Profane and Sacred

Yesterday I was gearing myself up to face the bill pile and decide what I can pay this month, when an odd little envelope came in from Multnomah County Courthouse. I thought fast-did I apply for a job and then forget about it? It is a bit bulkier than a rejection letter (and the bouquet wasn't right either). Opening it up, I saw that I had hit the local lottery-I've been summoned to jury duty.

This is not the first time-I got nailed right out of the gate, shortly after my 18th birthday. This was small town Wisconsin and the procedure was much simpler than I'm sure the metro area's will be. We all filed into a little room. A judge explained what it was all about, spun a hopper, and pulled out 12 slips of paper. I was number 7. For some reason I'll never get, neither attorney objected to me, and so I heard an interesting sexual assault case-a woman who was working at a group home was charged with assaulting a man with downs syndrome.

The best part of the case was when this woman's boyfriend was called to the stand. The defense attorney wanted to bring out that the two of them had never had oral sex together, since that was the main assault that occurred. When the boyfriend said that she had never fellatiated him, I snickered (I was 18, remember). The boyfriend turned fully to the jury box and loudly said, "But a lot of other women have!" I can only imagine what was going through the defense attorney's mind.

Anyhow, the state actually paid me more for jury duty than I was making working, so I was happy. I noted that in Oregon, you only get $10/day, and I think you only get that if you're on a jury. You have to eat the rest of your time.

So, cross your fingers that they excuse me. I can't afford to be dicking around, making 1/4 of what I'm making right now-the finances are eating me alive. They had the last 9 months to stick me on a jury. They missed their chance.